Articles Tagged pennsylvania wine kiosk

The PLCB’s Version Of “Innovation” (or “God Help Me, I’m A Wine Lover Living In PA!”)

Vinted on July 5, 2011 binned in commentary

The recent news of perpetually-hip grocery company Wegman’s pulling out of the troubled PA Liquor Control Board’s wine kiosk program has caused a bit of a stir in the wine world, if we take “stir” to mean “mostly sardonic snickering, followed by a glassy-eyed stare caused by the grim realization that we live in a universe where things like the inane PA wine kiosk program are actually allowed to happen in the first place.”

Welcome to my neck of the wine woods, folks!

It seems that current Pennsylvania Liquor Control Board Chairman Patrick J. “PJ” Stapleton (the “PJ” is his addition, not mine) has had enough of the snickering part, though. On June 23rd, Philly.com posted an Op/Ed letter written by Stapleton in response to the criticism coming his way over the Wegman’s kiosk fiasco.

What I’d like to do is deconstruct PJ’s open letter, because it’s filled with enough holes that it could double as a riddling rack – not that us PA residents could actually fill that riddling rack with actual wine, mind you… at least not the wine that we want to order, since the state stores probably don’t carry that stuff… okay, whatever.

Anyway… Let’s take a walk together through the monopoly-infected mind of PJ Stapleton…

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Pennsylvania Wine Kiosk “MCP” Abducts Customers, Forces Them To Play “Grid Games” in Twisted Digital World

Vinted on November 8, 2010 binned in commentary, Inebriated Press

Special Report from the Inebriated Press

Pennsylvania Governor-elect Tom Corbett today issued a public plea to the Pennsylvania Liquor Control Board to “immediately and indefinitely suspend” its plans to expand grocery store installations statewide of its new wine kiosk dispensers. Corbett wants all activity on the PLCB kiosk machines shut down “until allegations of the kiosks are abducting grocery store shoppers can be properly and thoroughly investigated.”

Corbett’s plea was prompted by several recent reports of missing persons last seen at three Pennsylvania grocery store locations where PLCB wine kiosks have been installed. At first, state police investigations of the alleged abductions were moving slowly, but recent eyewitness reports from the grocery stores involved have turned the tide of the investigations towards the bizarre.

“I know what I saw, and I know it sounds crazy… but strange blue laser beams came out of that thing and totally vaporized the guy trying to buy wine!” reads one anonymous eyewitness testimony describing events that happened to one of the missing persons, who was last seen purchasing wine from a PLCB kiosk…

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Step Forward For Big Brother, Step Backward For PA Wine Lovers

Vinted on August 19, 2010 binned in commentary

Last week, the excellent (and hilarious) Tom Johnson published an article titled “Pennsylvania, Cradle of Liberty” in which he highlighted a Pittsburgh Post-Gazette article about the expansion of PA’s wine kiosk device.

Besides Tom’s normally laugh-out-loud funny and on-point commentary, the post is worth a read (and a click-through to the article) if only for this well-meaning but (in my view) misguided quote in the P-G piece, regarding the expansion of the “automated” wine kiosks to more grocery stores throughout the state (emphasis is mine):

“I’m all for it,” said Marsha Cuffia, a member of American Wine Society of East Pittsburgh. “We should be up with the modern world.”

Call me crazy, but I don’t see how the use of technology equates to being modern, especially when it doesn’t go hand-in-hand with modern common sense.

For example, wouldn’t it make more sense to get “modern” by catching up with some more basic items than the technological marvel of the wine kiosk?  You know, lower-tech things like the free market system, and increasing profits across the state.  Before dumping money into a technology that requires over ten steps, a breathalyzer test, and takes two-and-half minutes to make a single purchase, I mean.

I know, I know… I’m a real pimple on the ass of progress, right?

I’m just not a fan of throwing tech (or money) at a problem when there’s potentially lower-hanging fruit.  Like being more profitable, offering more consumer choice, improving customer service, and (last but not least) getting a bit more in-line with the U.S. Constitution…

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