My Readers are Smarter, More Talented, and More Attractive than Me (Reader Haiku)

Vinted on February 21, 2008 binned in wine blogging, wine review, zen wine

It’s official. readers are smarter, funnier, more talented, and in all likelihood more attractive than I am. I say this because:

  1. I am arguably an impish gnome with a half-baked palate trying to earn an honest living from near-constant drinking (curse you, Zane Lamprey – you stole my job!), and
  2. I have received incontrovertible proof of how awesome readers are.

Long-time Dude friend and reader WillyBouy (a.k.a., WeeRee-San) has rewritten my twitter wine Mini-Reviews

…As haiku! And they’re better than my original reviews! Just try this example on for size – let’s compare my original with WillyBouy’s reworked version:

`06 Sauvignon Republic Sauvignon Blanc (Russian River Valley): Just not into this wine. Citrus and tropical fruits, but what’s w/ the toast?

As haiku:
`06 Sauvignon Republic Sauvignon Blanc (Russian River Valley):
why does toast surprise
the citrus, tropical fruits?

Climbing out of here.

And my personal favorite –

’06 Misterio Malbec (Argentina):
Coats yer palate like smokey black fruit tar. A steal at $7

’06 Misterio Malbec (Argentina):
palate is soothed

smokey black fruit tar
wallet is still fat!

Classic! Read on for more excellent haiku versions. Thanks, WillyBouy!

’05 Bracco Chianti Classico (Italy):
bracco soprano

still struggles to find her voice
reduced, overpriced.

`06 Touraine Sauvignon La Pointe Domaine Ricard:
pink grapefruit grenade

launched from the valley loire

tingles the nose bright.

`05 La Crema Pinot Noir (Sonoma Coast, CA):
red berry hinting smoke
tasting great in the moment
is there a future?

’00 Ch. de Sales (Pomerol, Fr):
a mouse in the house
supple velvety red fruit
leaves no worries.

’06 Misterio Malbec (Argentina):
palate is soothed

smokey black fruit tar
wallet is still fat!

`04 Quintessa Cab (Rutherford, CA):
fruit as black as night
finishing suburb complex

lay your money down.

`05 Bon Cap Cab Sav (Robertson, SA):
softly the blind feel

red currants dance free
organic bliss now.

NV Perrier-Jouet Fleur de Chapagne (Epernay, Fr):
apple pear bubbles

burst in nose with toasty spice
heart leaping joyous!

`05 Le Premier Pas Domaine Le Pas de l’Escalette (Cot. du Languedoc):
grapes of the south Rhone
french red without the shackles
blend harmonious

`05 Banfi Centine (Tuscany, It):
burnt cherry sunrise

to sunset gently biting
economico rosso.

Ratzenberger Spatburgunder `04 (Bacharacher, DE):
alcohol pools a

slowly drifting berry boat

nicely delicate

`03 Savigny-les-Beaune “Le Grands-Liards” Patrick Javillier-Guyot (Meursalt):
leather greets nicely

but calls out for fruit hidden
prudence calls to me.

Aleveda Vinho Verde (Portugal):
drunk in the meadow

crispy spritzy citrus-y

pennies drop lightly.

Frog’s Leap `05 Napa Zin:
plum, blackberry yes

sweet toasted coconut hugs

vanilla oak, yum.

Opus One `98 (Oakville, CA):
a bad year undone
fruit, red and black, on oak

dear in all respects.

Twin Brook Cab. Franc (Pennsylvania):
wafting red berry
but tepid palate saddens
all hope is lost now.

`05 Rosso Piceno Tourquis Brunori (Marche, It):

joins montepulciano
kicking me to smile.

`04 Domaine André Bonhomme Viré-Clessé (Burgundy):
bourgeosie madam

proletariat nightspot
apricot, oak – class

NV Laurent-Perrier Grand Siècle (Champagne):
fresh baked almond bread
with honey triumphs – grace and strength

my spirits soaring.

’03 Castello Banfi Rosso di Montalcino (Italy):
pour, sniff, slurp – again

cherries and leather greet me

with a warm embrace.

’06 Lorenzino Ettore Germano Dolcetto d’Alba (Italy):
cherries, tobacco
sing out harmoniously
could be livelier.

`05 Ravenswood Old Vines Zin (CA):
berry and spice nice

for the right amount of dough

haiku cannot rhyme






  • phil w.

    Ha – Nice one. You should take a look at, it contains reviews that are very similar and are often really funny.

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