Inebriated Press In a stunning reversal of unwritten policy, the wine industry’s most powerful critic, Robert M. Parker, Jr. and his fellow staff members at the publication he founded, The Wine Advocate, held a press conference earlier today to “apologize for our recent boorish, bullying behavior.” “We at The Wine Advocate have, in short, been…
Category: Inebriated Press
Cellar Masters In Peril As “Weeping Angels” Attack Barrels For “Angels’ Share” of Wine
Dispatch from The Inebriated Press Cellar masters – those who toil in the barrel cellars of wineries everywhere – are being urged to exercise extreme caution when entering their workplaces, as reports of several deaths and disappearances of cellar workers continue to flood municipal law enforcement offices worldwide. The fine wine region of Rioja –…
Pennsylvania Wine Kiosk “MCP” Abducts Customers, Forces Them To Play “Grid Games” in Twisted Digital World
Special Report from the Inebriated Press Pennsylvania Governor-elect Tom Corbett today issued a public plea to the Pennsylvania Liquor Control Board to “immediately and indefinitely suspend” its plans to expand grocery store installations statewide of its new wine kiosk dispensers. Corbett wants all activity on the PLCB kiosk machines shut down “until allegations of the…
Silver Surfer Sighted near Napa! Constellactus (“Devourer of Wine Brands”) Approaches Earth!
Special Report from the IP (Inebriated Press) – Constellactus, devourer of wine brands, appears to be heading towards Earth, with dire consequences for the planet’s wine industries. Fueled by the mysterious “power cosmic” and a recent rise in market share, Constellactus Brands – devourer of wine brands and the largest wine producer in the known…
