How To Make Wine Evaluation Even Less Objective? Don’t Spit!

Vinted on August 3, 2010 binned in best of, commentary, wine appreciation

Lately I’ve found myself at (what I’d consider to be) a lot of (what I would call) professional (or, at least, semi-professional) environments in which I am expected (or at least it seems that way) to taste wine in the hopes that I might critically evaluate it (but with fewer parenthetical interruptions if I do).

I’m rarely alone at those moments – I’m usually part of a small group of bloggers, traditional press, or some mixture thereof. But I am usually alone in at least one respect at those tastings: I’m the one asking for a spit bucket.

Or the one looking around for an open outside door, empty unused glass, drainage grate, or random patch of grass so that I can spit. More often than not, I feel as though I’ve got to explain myself, and/or am left wondering why a winery or event coordinator hasn’t thought to at least provide a plastic cup for spitting purposes.

More concerning to me is that the majority of my peers at these tastings don’t seem to feel the slightest need to spit.

Now, I’m not about to tell someone how they should evaluate wine, and I’m certainly in the "wine tasting is more subjective than objective" camp – but I’m baffled as to how someone can taste several wines without spitting and think that they can remain cogent enough to provide an ounce of objective viewpoint about it all later…

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Wine Appreciation, The Andromeda Paradox, and The Forever Present Moment

Vinted on August 2, 2010 binned in wine appreciation, zen wine

Hang on to your tin foil cone hats, people.  Today’s discussion is about to get… freaky.  For those of you who give up on me in this post, I promise this will be the last time I talk about the Andromeda Paradox in relation to wine, ok?

You see, the thing is, time is relative.  Which means that your future may be predetermined; which means that you might not actually have the freewill that you thought you had, but it doesn’t matter anyway because you need to fulfill the destiny of the present moment because that’s the only moment that truly matters because it’s immutable.  So if you’re drinking a glass of wine right now, give it your full attention because as far as that immutable moment is concerned, you will be appreciating that wine for eternity.

Don’t worry – it will all make sense in a minute or two.  Or several.  I think.  Let’s start at the beginning.

Time is relative

I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but the sense that time is the same for all of us is an illusion, though happily the relativistic nature of time only manifests itself when dealing with extreme circumstances, like, say, traveling in a car at almost the speed of light (sorry, speed demons – even the latest Yahama crotch-rocket motorcycles can’t even come close to that speed).  But the fact remains, proven scientifically with astounding accuracy: time is not the same for all observers in the Universe.  Which results in interesting phenomena like the Andromeda Paradox.

Your Future Has Already Happened.  Sort Of.

In the Andromeda Paradox, "when someone is moving towards a distant point there are later events at that point than for someone who is not moving towards the distant point. There is a time gap between the events in the present moment of the two people." 

Let’s look at it this way – let’s say you’re on vacation in the Andromeda galaxy and are planning on enjoying some kick-ass Andromedean wine.  Back on Earth, one of your wine-loving friends is looking to the sky via telescope to see how your Andromeda wine-vacation is coming along (let’s ignore the fact that it would take about two million years for the light to reach her telescope).  If your friend is at her house (stationary, in Earth terms), what she might see is you contemplating what wine to buy and where to drink it.  Simple enough, right?

Let’s say your friend then calls one of her friends via cell phone.  That particular friend is in a car, moving very fast (like, almost light-speed fast) in the general direction of the Andromeda galaxy, and also has a kick-ass telescope.  Ignoring the rules of good road safety, he decides to look into his telescope while driving to see how you’re coming along on your vacation, now that your first friend has piqued his interest by mentioning that you were vacationing in Andromeda. 

But what he sees is not what your other friend sees.  He sees you already at an Andromedean restaurant and drinking the wine that you’ve not even yet decided on trying according to your other friend.  Your stationary friend?  She sees you still deciding what wine to try.  And both of them are right.

Hence the paradox: "…two observers observe the same events – two million year old events in their telescopes – but the moving observer must assume that events at the present moment on Andromeda are a day or two in advance of those in the present moment of the stationary observer."

And the freakiness has only just begun…

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Weekly Twitter Wine Mini-Reviews Round-up for 2010-07-31

Vinted on July 31, 2010 binned in wine mini-reviews
  • 07 Virage (Napa Valley): Definitely one to watch; big, succulent & spicy Cab Franc from (mostly) Carneros coming your way in Oct 2010 $45 B+ #
  • 07 Araujo Estate Cabernet Sauvignon Eisele Vineyard (Napa Valley): About as superb (& pricey) as it gets in the Valley. Beguiling. $265 A #
  • 07 Araujo Estate Syrah Eisele Vineyard (Napa Valley): A dark fruit monster now that might welcome you with open arms in about 4 yrs. $125 A- #
  • 07 Araujo Estate Sauvignon Blanc Eisele Vineyard (Napa Valley): Might just be *the* most balanced SB I’ve *ever* had from the Valley. $50 A- #
  • 09 Stags’ Leap Viognier (Napa Valley): Kind of like they tried to kill a pear via drowning in grain alcohol. And they succeeded. $25 B- #
  • 09 Stags’ Leap Amparo Rose (Napa Valley): A bit too ‘hot’ but the payoff is seriously fun warm strawberry compote action at the end. $20 B #
  • 05 Penley Special Select “The Traveler” Shiraz (Coonawarra): Like a big-hair metal concert; over-the-top, fun & exactly what u expect $50 B+ #
  • NV Adami Garbel Brut Prosecco Treviso: Like a bite of yellow apple, at once more substantial *and* fresher than your average Prosecco. $15 B #

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