Pennsylvania Wine Kiosk “MCP” Abducts Customers, Forces Them To Play “Grid Games” in Twisted Digital World

Vinted on November 8, 2010 binned in commentary, Inebriated Press

Special Report from the Inebriated Press

Pennsylvania Governor-elect Tom Corbett today issued a public plea to the Pennsylvania Liquor Control Board to “immediately and indefinitely suspend” its plans to expand grocery store installations statewide of its new wine kiosk dispensers. Corbett wants all activity on the PLCB kiosk machines shut down “until allegations of the kiosks are abducting grocery store shoppers can be properly and thoroughly investigated.”

Corbett’s plea was prompted by several recent reports of missing persons last seen at three Pennsylvania grocery store locations where PLCB wine kiosks have been installed. At first, state police investigations of the alleged abductions were moving slowly, but recent eyewitness reports from the grocery stores involved have turned the tide of the investigations towards the bizarre.

“I know what I saw, and I know it sounds crazy… but strange blue laser beams came out of that thing and totally vaporized the guy trying to buy wine!” reads one anonymous eyewitness testimony describing events that happened to one of the missing persons, who was last seen purchasing wine from a PLCB kiosk…

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Weekly Twitter Wine Mini Reviews Round-Up for 2010-11-05

Vinted on November 6, 2010 binned in wine mini-reviews
  • 08 Dry Creek Vineyard Foggy Oaks Chardonnay (Russian River Valley): Heck of a 1st release. Screamin acidity keeps the vanilla in check $20 B ->
  • 07 Rodney Strong Symmetry (Alexander Valley): Like some kind of extraterrestrial fig pie mothership sent to Earth to be your overlord $55 B+ ->
  • 08 Hanzell Vineyards Sebella Chardonnay (Sonoma Valley): Impeccably-crafted, creamy, & just too rich for my blood (alcohol level). $36 B- ->
  • 07 Hanzell Pinot Noir (Sonoma Valley): Like an overweight opera singer; very big, but just belting out the complexity & performance. $95 B+ ->
  • 08 Dreissigacker Riesling Trocken (Rheinhessen): Like poppin' lemon drops, only more fun & a better match with spicy Asian foods. $17 B ->
  • 07 Montes Kaiken Malbec (Mendoza): The Manwich of decently-priced Malbecs; almost a (uncomplicated but dark& tasty) meal on its own. $14 B- ->
  • 09 Chateau La Freynelle Bordeaux Blanc: Like alternating sips of Sauv Blanc & Semillion; a bit schizophrenic but summer-salad-ready. $12 C+ ->
  • 09 Axel des Vignes Bordeaux Rosé: The nose is berry, (red) berry nice, but afterward the finish puts the "bored" in Bordeaux. $10 C+ ->
  • 06 Chateau Feret-Lambert Bordeaux Superieur Rouge: Olden style, earthy Merlot-based goodness at an olden style down-to-Earth price. $17 B- ->
  • 09 Bastianich Adriatico Ribolla (Slovenia): Seductive citrus in a "you're not a white wine from around here, are you?" kind of way. N/A B- ->
  • 06 Marita's Vineyard SOMA Cabernet Sauvignon (Napa Valley): What it lacks in complexity it makes up for in pure, amazing dark fruit. $86 A- ->
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Wines of the Week: Paul Dolan T.A.S.T.E-ing Edition

Vinted on November 5, 2010 binned in crowd pleaser wines, kick-ass wines, overachiever wines, wine review

Ok, technically they were wines from last week.  So sue me.

[Editor’s note: please do NOT actually sue me.]

Last week, I had another run-in with those tiny T.A.S.T.E. 50ml bottles, taking part in an on-line UStream live tasting with winemaker Paul Dolan, going through the majority of his portfolio.  Paul has the advantage of exuding a calm and commanding presence even over a tiny video window (I credit his kick-ass mustache), and he also happens to make some compelling wines.

Those wines happen to be made from biodynamic grapes, which is a veritable conversation powder-keg when thrown into any gathering of two or more wine lovers these days.  And we all know what I think about BioD, which is that I don’t know what to think about it yet.

I’ll admit, whenever Paul got to talking about BioD during the tasting, I found myself wondering if I should go looking for some weed and a bong to put my mind in the proper perspective, you know, to really understand what he was on about, man!

The BioD conversation did yield this fantastic tweet during our tasting, though:

“@PaulDolanWine: Some call it voodoo, we like to call Biodynamics Moo-Do.”

That is just sooooo good…

Anyway, while I found the whites a bit to rough-around-the-edges, the reds from Paul Dolan for the most part were very, very good, and in at lest one case offered what I felt was a downright amazing bargain…

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