LODI ZINFANDEL ATTACKS TOKYO!
Crowds flee for their lives as “Gluttzilla” menace destroys theme park.
Tokyo defenses “only stir its already considerable anger.”
July 8th, 2009 – Tokyo
Inebriated Press
A powerfully alcoholic wine emerged from the basement depths of downtown Tokyo wine and liquor shop Tanakaya today, breathing fire and staging a level of destruction not seen in the city since 1954, when the lizard-like menace Godzilla attacked the city and died (along with all other nearby sea life) under mysterious circumstances in Tokyo Bay, reports the IP (Inebriated Press).
Hundreds of local residents are reported missing, and damage to city buildings, public transportation systems, and electrical infrastructure reportedly will “easily reach into the several billions [of dollars]” said Japanese Defense Minister Hamada.
The rogue wine has been positively identified as the powerful and highly potent 2006 vintage of “Gluttony” Lodi Zinfandel from California wine producer Michael~David. It’s unclear at this time if the monstrous wine bottle was angrily disturbed from its slumber by the passing of trains at nearby Mejiro station, or if it became enraged at receiving a 77 point rating in the June 30 2009 issue of Wine Spectator.
What is clear is that at approximately 1:35 PM Tokyo time today, the enormous Gluttony Zinfandel emerged from Tanakaya and began to destroy nearly everything in its wake, leveling buildings with ease and burning down an amusement part en route to the bay nearby, where “Gluttzilla” (as it has been dubbed by the local press) seemingly took refuge beneath the waves and has not been seen since…
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There is, in the Commonwealth of Pennsylvania, a time-honored and long-standing tradition that takes place every year.
I’m not talking about the February 2nd ritual of watching expectantly to see if Punxsutawney Phil will glimpse his own shadow, heralding six additional weeks of Winter.
I’m not talking about the amazing July 4th event that takes place in downtown Philadelphia, drawing nearly one million people together to celebrate PA’s unique place and status in the history of the United States’ liberty-based government.
No, I’m talking about the annual Harrisburg tradition that comes around every Summer, in which the PA state senate and governor fail to pass a budget in time for the next fiscal year. PA governor Ed Rendell has the dubious distinction of being seemingly incapable of herding PA’s senate into signing any budget into law before the state teeters on the verge of government program funding meltdown.
To put it kindly, the PA state budget is in a state of total crisis. The Commonwealth now faces a budget shortfall of $3.2 billion, or roughly the GDP of Mauritania. That kind of deficit is basically a guarantee of missing end of fiscal year targets, since it’s unlikely that any Senate would be happy with the level of cuts needed to reign in such a monstrous shortfall. This situation has the ability to self-perpetuate: When the state budget is not positioned well to weather a poor economy, the budget deficit grows; it becomes harder and harder to pass a budget due to the pressures of cutting programs that will piss of the state Senate’s constituents; the next year’s budget is then passed late due to the in-fighting, and thus faces more pressures and a potentially greater deficit, which means the budget is poorly positioned for the next economic storm… and the cycle starts all over again. Which is more-or-less what’s been happening in Harrisburg.
And yet, the PA state government is sitting on a goldmine that could – relatively quickly – halve that deficit. It simply lacks the courage and will to act on it.
The goldmine? Wine…
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Those of you playing along at home last week probably noticed the attempt to hold a Twitter Taste Live event meant to coincide with the culmination of Pinot Days. The idea was to taste four California Pinot Noir wines, and (of course) ‘tweet’ about the experience of tasting them live on twitter and… ah, c’mon, do I really need to explain the TTL concept again at this point? It’s wine, on twitter, it works, and it’s taking off like mad.
Anyway…
The Universe had other plans that day, and the unfortunate passing of Michael Jackson (r.i.p.) nearly dragged twitter to a grinding halt and caused us to abort the scheduled formal tasting.
[ I should note at this point that I’ve nothing more to add to the multitude of tributes to MJ that have flooded the ‘global interwebs’ over the last week, except to say that he was of course a member of the Jackson 5 which automatically makes him awesome. At least, it made his childhood stardom persona totally awesome. Especially when he hit the high notes at the end of One More Chance (alllll I WANT!… All I NEEEEEEED!). That stuff is THE BOMB, baby! ]
Anyway…
We did manage to hold a bit of a less structured tasting of the same Pinots the following day on twitter, during which I noted that while the wines on the whole were tasty, maybe they just weren’t meant for me:
Which got me thinking… if those Pinots aren’t my style of Pinot, then what is my style of Pinot?
Those of you who aren’t interested in knowing (way) too much about 1WineDude may want to stop reading at this point. Because things are about to get a little… risqué. Maybe even odd. Maybe even oddly risqué…
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