At least, I loved the recent move by Governor Tom Corbett to appoint Joseph “Skip” Brion (that’s his real nickname, by the way) the new PLCB Chairman, since both Corbett and Brion appear to be in favor of privatizing the state Commonwealth’s monopoly alcohol sales system – and they’re supporting House Bill eleven (HB11) which seeks to amend the existing Liquor Code “providing for the privatization of sales of wine and spirits in this Commonwealth through abolition of the State Liquor Stores.”

But as much as I’d love to see privatization take hold and the free market rein when it comes to alcohol sales in my home state Commonwealth, it’s become clear to me that, technically speaking, HB11 is actually not in the best interests of PA’s wine-consuming public; I would describe HB11 as Bull Honkey. As in, a big, stinking, steaming load of Bull Honkey.

Why?  Two reasons, my vino-loving friends, neither of which portends any favorable outcomes from HB11 when it comes to actually letting the free market into the ring of PA’s liquor sales and distribution…

Reason the first: Direct shipping? What direct shipping?

HB11 won’t do a bull honkey’s worth of diddly-squat when it comes to allowing PA resients to buy the wine they want, when they want it, and have it sent to their homes so that it doesn’t languish in some overheated PLCB storage area somewhere before they have a chance to enjoy it.  As anti-PLCB blogger Lew Bryson put it on his blog (emphasis is original):

“If it [ HB11 ] passes as is, Pennsylvanians are still forbidden by law to bring home a bottle of wine from New Jersey (or Maryland, or Delaware, or New York…). I’ve been assured directly by Representative Turzai that the police will no longer enforce this, but that’s not good enough. You’re a legislator; don’t tell me the police won’t enforce a despicably un-American law; change the law.”

Exactly, Lew.  Why agree in principal not to enforce a law that stays on the books? That makes no sense, and any reasonable person would probably consider that as not really being above-board; it might be a royal pain in the bull honkey organ, but let’s just change the law to reflect reality and do the difficult work of cleaning up the bull honkey instead of sweeping its smelly action under the carpet.

Reason the second: Licenses? Sure, if you’re a big (BIG) business

The big issue with the liquor store licenses in HB11 is that theren’t nearly enough of them – the bill calls for only about 1250 of the suckers.  That doesn’t sound too bad on paper, but on the street it will seriously limit the amount of stores throughout PA’s 46K some-odd square miles.

What’s worse, and what firmly lodges HB11 into bull honkey territory, is that just over half of the licenses (750 of the 1250 Class A) would apparently have to go to stores that are over 15,000 square feet in size.  Here are snippets from the text of Subarticle C:

“…The department shall be authorized to issue 1,250 wine and spirits retail licenses to successful bidders in the retail license auction process… Class A licenses shall authorize the operation of a retail wine and spirits store in a specific retail zone in an establishment that exceeds 15,000 square feet of retail floor space…”

What… the… F*CK?!??

We are not talking about electrical plants or hospitals here, folks, we are talking about stores that sell booze. Why the government would have to effectively mandate store size is beyond me… or is it?… Actually, when taken with the small overall number of licenses in the bill, HB11 makes total sense if your goal is to squeeze out smaller, independent liquor stores in PA in favor of big chains – and that, my friends, is bull honkey of the highest order.

All in all… it’s yet another sad day to be a wine lover living in PA…

Cheers!

Copyright © 2011. Originally at Pennsylvania’s Privatization Bid Is One Glass Of Wine, Two Glasses Of Bull Honkey from 1WineDude.com - for personal, non-commercial use only. Cheers!

Last week, after I spoke out against NJ Assembly Majority Leader Joseph Cryan publicly dissing his own wine-buying constituents, I received quite a bit of feedback (comments and e-mail) about something I wasn’t talking about.  Namely, not reporting from the battlefield of the wine shipping fracas taking place among the rolling hills of my home state, the Commonwealth of Pennsylvania (one of – if not the – worst control states in our fair Union).

In response, I can offer two tidbits as potential justification:

1) Blogger Lew Bryson is doing a fine job of detailing all of the latest PLCB debacles and on-again/off-again satutus of PA’s move towards Privitization, and I’ve little to offer above-and-beyond Lew’s excellent and opinionated coverage. For a pertinent example, check out Lew’s tirade about the state’s failed automated wine kiosks – turns out the PLCB knew that the kiosks had little chance of succeeding before they deployed them (I had a similar view of their potential success published around the same time).

2) I’m anticipating the potential for a lot more insider coverage coming soon on the PLCB and the drama of the changing state of alcohol distribution in PA, since I’ve agreed to be on a focus group for a PLCB Wine Advisory Council member.

Yes, you read that correctly. I’ve been hand-picked by a member of the PLCB’s Eastern PA Regional Advisory Panel to join a cabinet/focus group, which has as one of its priorities advancing the pace of change to improve the currently (very) sad state of wine distribution affairs in the Commonwealth…

My first meeting with the Wine Advisory Council will be in downtown Philly in a few days time, the agenda of which is “To discuss matters of concern for both consumer and licensee stakeholders regarding the PLCB system.”

Don’t think that I’m on the slippery-slope to the spiked (pronounced “spike-ED!”) pit of the sold-out, though.

Since I’ve been very, very clear about my feelings towards the PLCB, I don’t expect the session to go all that well for me. In fact, I won’t be surprised if it takes less than one hour before I’m thrown out. But there’s no question in my mind that the Council will know exactly how I feel: PA needs to privatize the sale and distribution of alcohol, disband the PLCB, and open up to the free market system to encourage the increases in service/convenience and price-reduction that can only result from real competition.

When it comes to the PLCB and any other state-controlled monopolies of commerce that is otherwise free and open in other states, my going-in thinking is To Hell With The Devil, baby (anyone out there remember Stryper?).

For all of my passionate rhetoric, I’m a bit of a pragmatist at heart, and I’m not going to do anything stupid that would purposefully get me thrown out of the upcoming meeting or the focus group. But I’m not prepared to back down in voicing my honest views, either. Here’s an opportunity to at least try to make a difference for PA wine consumers in a direct way, with a more-or-less straight line through to the PLCB itself; I’m not gonna screw that up, folks.

At least, not intentionally!

So… more to come… hopefully much more, if the Council and PLCB keep enough of an open mind to keep me on board for a while; if not, then there will be more to come, just not a lot more to come…

Smoke ‘em if you got ‘em, ‘cause I think we might be in for a bumpy – but fascinating – ride!

Cheers!

Copyright © 2011. Originally at This Just In: I Join A PLCB Advisory Group. Also, Hell Freezes Over. Sort Of. from 1WineDude.com - for personal, non-commercial use only. Cheers!

The recent news of perpetually-hip grocery company Wegman’s pulling out of the troubled PA Liquor Control Board’s wine kiosk program has caused a bit of a stir in the wine world, if we take “stir” to mean “mostly sardonic snickering, followed by a glassy-eyed stare caused by the grim realization that we live in a universe where things like the inane PA wine kiosk program are actually allowed to happen in the first place.”

Welcome to my neck of the wine woods, folks!

It seems that current Pennsylvania Liquor Control Board Chairman Patrick J. “PJ” Stapleton (the “PJ” is his addition, not mine) has had enough of the snickering part, though. On June 23rd, Philly.com posted an Op/Ed letter written by Stapleton in response to the criticism coming his way over the Wegman’s kiosk fiasco.

What I’d like to do is deconstruct PJ’s open letter, because it’s filled with enough holes that it could double as a riddling rack – not that us PA residents could actually fill that riddling rack with actual wine, mind you… at least not the wine that we want to order, since the state stores probably don’t carry that stuff… okay, whatever.

Anyway… Let’s take a walk together through the monopoly-infected mind of PJ Stapleton…

Following is the text of PJ’s letter to Philly.com, emphasis mine, followed by some peanut-gallery commentary from someone living the dream (that dream being a nightmare) as a PA wine consumer (that would be a slightly-more-infuriated-than-normal version of me):

“While it is true, as a recent editorial indicated (“Kiosk idea staggers,” June 13), that Wegmans Food Market has decided to discontinue the program, it is worth remembering that Wegmans made an investment with full knowledge that the kiosk reached far outside the face-to-face customer service Wegmans was accustomed to providing. The editorial also failed to point out that the kiosk program is but a small part of the overall business the Pennsylvania Liquor Control Board is engaged in. The wine kiosk was evidence of innovation at its finest, something the wine and spirits industry had not seen before. This made it an easy target for criticism.”

PJ is correct, the kiosks reached “far outside” of face-to-face customer service;  but it’s not just the type of service Wegman’s and its customers would expect – it’s the kind of service that any consumer or business should have expected. Never mind that the kiosks creepily record personal information – “creepily” meaning the machines include a camera watching your purchase, requiring validation remotely by PLCB staff, and they also required – not kidding here – a breathalyzer test before dispensing booze.  Forget all of that stuff for a moment (I know it’s difficult, but work with me here). It’s more damning that the kiosks didn’t actually work properly.  As the editorial that riled up poor PJ stated, “No decent establishment likes anyone bothering the customers, and that’s exactly what the buggy booze-bots have been doing. Wegmans said the high volume of complaints about them was the most important reason for the eviction notice.”

There’s more:

“Kiosks are nothing new in the retail industry. Many major retailers use them. And every successful retailer knows that failing to bring innovation and creativity to customers is likely to result in business failure. The Pennsylvania Liquor Control Board’s focus on bringing innovation to our customers couldn’t be stronger.”

Failing to bring innovation can, indeed, ring the death knell for retailers. But PJ seems to have a very loose interpretation of “innovation,” equating it with the introduction of technology.  Innovation is not dumping a souped-up, Frankenstein-monster of a vending machine into stores and expecting customers to trade personal data exposure for the convenience of being able to buy a (very) limited selection of booze. Innovation is staying a few steps ahead of the market, and working your ass off to push the market to catch up with you – that doesn’t necessarily require technology to pull off successfully. The PLCB kiosks are a tech band-aid (the dinky, meant-for-your-pinky kind) trying to cover the gaping wound (the bitten-by-a-great-white-shark kind) of woefully outdated laws supported by a government-run monopoly that actually stifles market innovation at nearly every turn.

I do agree with P.J. on the last bit, though:

“In return, what we could use is fewer inaccurate political attacks and more productive discussion and action on behalf of all Pennsylvania consumers.”

In fact, here’s where PJ and I agree almost totally.

It’s just probably not in a way that he would have imagined.

I’d certainly love to see more productive dialog with fewer political attacks – as in, fewer flawed, cronyism-induced legal and PA government-sponsored attacks on the free market when it comes to liquor sales in The Commonwealth, and I’d equally love to see further productive dialog to progress the inevitable move towards privatization upon which its citizens will (hopefully… eventually) insist.

Cheers!

Copyright © 2011. Originally at The PLCB’s Version Of “Innovation” (or “God Help Me, I’m A Wine Lover Living In PA!”) from 1WineDude.com - for personal, non-commercial use only. Cheers!

Personally, I was flabbergasted by some of the statements that came out of Stapleton’s mouth during this interview, because they demonstrate what feels like a rather serious lack of respect that the PLCB seems to have for its own customers; customers who, it seems, the PLCB would prefer don’t (or, perhaps, they assume aren’t intelligent enough to) refer to things that might give them a different view on PA wine sales than that being painted by the PLCB.  You know, pesky and irrelevant things, like facts.

My take on some of Stapleton’s statements from the interview are below after the jump, along with the podcast stream of the full NPR episode. I feel a rant coming on… you’ve ben warned…

In terms of deconstructing some of the madness in this NPR interview, let’s start with the case of why PLCB store employees have a perception of being unhelpful and lacking even basic knowledge of the products that they sell.  According to Stapleton, the PLCB is legally hog-tied and has to hire an incompetent workforce; Stapleton actually blames the hiring system for the sad state of customer service within the current state-run alcohol sales system (you know, those people who claim that Cabernet Franc doesn’t exist) – all quotes are transcribed directly from the interview, by the way:

"Relief from civil service would be a huge step up for us."

Let me get this straight: somehow, it’s easier to change state legislation than train the PLCB workforce?  That is such a sad conclusion that words fail to convey how ridiculous the situation truly is.

Lew (as well as some of the show’s callers) asked he obvious question: why not just privatize, Patrick?  Two reasons, apparently:

1. "We produce a good revenue base for the Commonwealth" – This totally ignores the fact that the PLCB is run so inefficiently that it’s profit is an abysmally low percentage of its income. I won’t even start on Stapleton’s take on how damaging privatization would be to the PA state coffers – there’s already quite a bit written to counter that argument.
2. "The peer-reviewed scientific literature on the subject… indicate clearly that there are fewer problems related to the sale of wine and spirits in a control state environment… these are facts that are born out not only in Pennsylvania but all over the world."  This is, simply put, a lie – or at least, that’s the view that any reasonable person should come to when they consider the actual facts: Pennsylvania’s underage drinking rate remains above average for the 50 U.S. states ( http://www.oas.samhsa.gov/2k6/stateUnderageDrinki… ) and the Commonwealth remains above average in DUI fatalities per mile driven ( http://www.usatoday.com/news/nation/2009-12-07-dr… ). Sadly, Stapleton comes back to the abuse/protection angle time and again in this interview, which I think demonstrates how feeble the pro-PLCB argument is quickly becoming.
   

It’s tough to blame PA residents I think, if they conclude that the PLCB is not only lying to them but also isn’t delivering on all of its promises or potential value for money. Or, as one of the NPR show’s callers put it, the PLCB has had 75 years to sort this out, why should PA state residents assume that they will suddenly get their act together?  Simple: they shouldn’t.

Cheers!

Copyright © 2011. Originally at Blogger Lew Bryson Brings The Smack-Down on PLCB Chair Patrick Stapleton In NPR Interview from 1WineDude.com - for personal, non-commercial use only. Cheers!

Pennsylvania Governor-elect Tom Corbett today issued a public plea to the Pennsylvania Liquor Control Board to “immediately and indefinitely suspend” its plans to expand grocery store installations statewide of its new wine kiosk dispensers. Corbett wants all activity on the PLCB kiosk machines shut down “until allegations of the kiosks are abducting grocery store shoppers can be properly and thoroughly investigated.”

Corbett’s plea was prompted by several recent reports of missing persons last seen at three Pennsylvania grocery store locations where PLCB wine kiosks have been installed. At first, state police investigations of the alleged abductions were moving slowly, but recent eyewitness reports from the grocery stores involved have turned the tide of the investigations towards the bizarre.

“I know what I saw, and I know it sounds crazy… but strange blue laser beams came out of that thing and totally vaporized the guy trying to buy wine!” reads one anonymous eyewitness testimony describing events that happened to one of the missing persons, who was last seen purchasing wine from a PLCB kiosk…

“We have credible reason to believe that the PLCB wine kiosks are ‘digitizing’ some kiosk customers and abducting them into the electronic world inside the kiosks central computer in Harrisburg,” stated acting state police commissioner Lt. Col. Frank Pawlowski, in a statement made this morning to the media.

Investigation into the grocery store abductions took a decidedly strange turn last week based on eyewitness testimony, and at least fifteen of the reportedly missing customers were confirmed to have swiped their credit cards at one of the wine kiosks the same day their disappearances were reported by family and friends. The abductions began approximately four weeks after creation of the “Master Control Program” (MCP) in Harrisburg.  MCP is a Pennsylvania taxpayer-funded computer program, developed by  outside consultant group and software powerhouse EMCOM, based on cutting-edge Artificial Intelligence (AI) technologies meant to replace the need for human PLCB staff intervention to finalize kiosk wine purchases.

Speaking about the MCP in a press release last moth, PLCB Chairman Patrick J. Stapleton, III stated that “we in the PLCB are pleased and excited to be bringing EMCOM on board for the kiosk project; their Master Control Program software will eliminate the need for kiosk customer IDs to be checked by PLCB employees during wine purchases made at the kiosks and therefore increase customer satisfaction by speeding up the already simple and convenient thirty-seven step process required to purchase wines at the kiosk today.”

EMCOM made a media news splash earlier this year when several of its high-ranking developers left the company in a bitter dispute over copyrights and frustration by employees over how the company was being run by CEO Ed Dillinger. At least one senior developer, Alan Bradley, publicly expressed concern over the Master Control Program, telling media that “I had it almost ready, when Dillinger cut everyone with Group-7 access out of the system. I tell you ever since he got that Master Control Program, the system’s got more bugs than a bait store!”

According to eyewitness testimony, at least two kiosk customers on separate occasions were seen to be engulfed in a strange blue laser emanating from the EMCOM-powered kiosks. The laser seems to have emitted in a quick burst when those customers leaned in to breathe into the kiosk’s breathalyzer (one of the several steps required by customers purchasing wine from the kiosks), engulfing the customer in each case, after which the disappeared.

It is now suspected that the MCP may have become self-aware, and has knowingly abducted the kiosk customers as a means of self-defense, digitizing them into its electronic world where their digital essences are held prisoner and forced to undergo strange rituals – called “grid games” – for the amusement of the MCP itself. According to some reports, these odd rituals may include forced participation in light cycle games, as well as paying a 20% surcharge for wines purchased from the kiosk (compared to retail prices for the same wines sold in “non-control” states).

Inside PLCB sources, speaking to the Inebriated Press  under condition of anonymity, have confirmed that the PLCB and PA state police have established direct communication with the MCP via “dumb” computer terminals, and have already initiated hostage negotiations.  However, the talks are apparently slow-going and have stalled multiple times, primarily due to the difficulties in communicating via the archaic language used by the MCP. According to the same PLCB source, the most recent breakdown in talks with the MCP happened this morning when, after inquiring about the health of the digitized hostages, the MCP replied directly to PLCB Chairman Stapleton:

“You’ve enjoyed all the power you’ve been given, haven’t you? I wonder how you’d take to working in a pocket calculator. Your standard logic is obsolete in the vintage operating environment. End of Line.”

No timeline has been set for the release of the hostages, however sales of the Tron Evolution Limited Edition Game with Free Lightcycle to PA state residents have reportedly skyrocketed.

(images: unrealitymag.com, winesandvines.com, filmcritic.com)

Copyright © 2011. Originally at Pennsylvania Wine Kiosk “MCP” Abducts Customers, Forces Them To Play “Grid Games” in Twisted Digital World from 1WineDude.com - for personal, non-commercial use only. Cheers!