(image: deviantart.com & leinz.co.uk – seriously edited by Dude)
The follow excerpt is taken from an newly unearthed document, titled “The PLCB Manifesto” found unearthed under an old shed during a septic tank excavation in the outskirts of the PA state capital of Harrisburg. Or maybe not.
A spectre is haunting Pennsylvania — the spectre of Monopoly Wine Sales. All the Powers of old PA have entered into a holy alliance to exorcise this spectre: Wine Maker and Consumer, Retailer and Oenophile, Chester Radicals and Philadelphian “grape-spies.”
Where is the party in opposition that has not been decried as Monopolistic by its opponents in power? Where is the Opposition that has not hurled back the branding reproach of Wine Monopolies, against the more advanced opposition parties, as well as against its reactionary adversaries?
The history of all hitherto existing Wine Sales is the history of class struggles.
Grape-grower and glass sipper, wine retailer and booze purchaser, vineyard owner and restaurant-goer – in a word, dumb and dumber – stood in constant opposition to One Wine Retailer, carried on an uninterrupted, now hidden, now open fight, a fight that each time ended, either in a revolutionary non-re-constitution of the wine industry at large, or in the common miasma of free trade…
The on-line wine-buyer, wherever it has got the upper hand, has put an end to all child safety, and familial idyllic relations. It … has left remaining no other nexus between vine and drinker than naked self-interest, than callous “cash payment” … for so-called fair prices, veiled by free trade illusions, it has substituted naked, shameless, direct, brutal exploitation … Constant revolutionizing of interesting new wine styles & lower prices due to evil competition, uninterrupted disturbance of all monopoly conditions, everlasting uncertainty and agitation distinguish the free trade epoch from all earlier ones … All that is solid melts into air, all that is holy is profaned, and man is at last compelled to face with sober (ha-ha) senses, his real conditions of life, and his relations with his vines.
When, in the course of development, wine choice and free trade in wine buying have disappeared, and all wine sales have been concentrated in the hands of One Monopoly Association of the whole state of PA, the public power will lose its political character. If the wine buyer populace during its contest with free and fair trade & competition in wine sales is compelled, by the force of circumstances, to organize itself as a class, if, by means of a revolution, it makes itself the ruling class, and, as such, sweeps away by force the old conditions of production, then it will, along with these conditions, have swept away the conditions for the existence of class antagonisms and of classes generally, and will thereby have abolished its own supremacy as a class. Uh… wait a second, not sure I follow myself on that last sentence.
Anyway, we control your wine choices. We control your wine prices. We have limited your wine buying options because we know you best, we are here to protect you from the menace of free trade, fair prices, buying power, choice, and the deviance of competetion!
OH! GLORIOUS PLCB! DEFENDER OF WINE MONOPOLIES!
Because it’s been about a week since I railed against them. And you’ve gotta keep those people on their toes, right?
UPDATE (1PM ET): I’d like to send out a special welcome to all of the PA State government folks who, according to my site stats, have been reading this post. The wine world wants to know your viewpoints on these topics, so please shout ’em out in the comments section of this post if you’re inclined.
I suppose by now it’s no secret that I can’t stand the archaic, and probably unconstitutional three-tier monopoly wine distribution system still in effect in some states, including my hometown in the “Communistwealth” of Pennsylvania. The lucky numbers of you out there in blogosphere-land that are allowed to purchase the wine of your choosing, for a fair price, and have it shipped directly to your doorstep don’t really know the suffering that we unlucky hordes in PA have to deal with when shopping for wine.
Most readers will remember the board game Monopoly, in which players compete to take control of the highest amount of properties and services that they can, resulting in fees so high that the other players go bankrupt trying to pay them. States that operate under a monopoly of wine sales and distribution (like PA) are kind of doing the same thing, but in real life.
These stats should be abiding by the decisions of the Supreme Court and open up their borders to competition from wineries and direct shippers. The trouble is, the State monopolies have a crap business model, and they’d get handed their own jock straps in a fair capitalist marketplace. So instead, they are willing to go to extremes to protect their monopoly position.
Let the Dude enlighten you by way of an example…
- Let’s say that I badly wanted a wine that was not available for purchase through the Pennsylvania Liquor Control Board (PLCB). This isn’t difficult, since their selection, in the Dude’s opinion, is poor.
- Let’s also say that I spied a nice little beauty of a wine for sale on the Internet from someone else in another state. For this example, we’ll go to the way-cool folks at Domaine547, who sell all manner of tasty vinos. On their website, I spy the 2006 Scholium Project Gemella, Lost Slough Vineyard, and decide that I want a bottle for myself. (I checked – the PLCB doesn’t have it).
- Let’s assume that Domaine547 is a licensed direct shipper with the State of PA. That would mean that a) the PLCB doesn’t carry the wine so b) I’m allowed to order it from Domaine547 so long as they’re a licensed direct shipper with the state, provided that the following mandatory charges are added:
“The Direct Wine Shipper will have a shipping charge, and must add a $4.50 handling fee, Pennsylvania’s 18% liquor tax, 6% sales tax (and 1% sales tax in Philadelphia & Allegheny counties).”
Following is a rough estimate of what this would cost me, before shipping charges are added:
Wine Sale Price: $34.99
PLCB Handling Fee: $ 4.50
PA Liqour Tax (18%): $ 6.30
PA Sales Tax (6%): $ 2.10
PA County Tax (1%): $ 0.35
That’s an extra $13.25 out of my pocket. The additional charges constitute nearly a 40% premium above the sales price. At that level of markup, I might as well buy the wine in a restaurant instead of trying to have it shipped to me home. Imagine trying to buy something really pricey to being with, such as a case of Ch. Petrus (at upwards of $700 per bottle) with that kind of markup. Most PA state residents simply wouldn’t bother. And neither would the on-line wine sellers – it’s just not worth their time, because the state customers are unlikely to view it as a reasonable expenditure. That’s a “Lose – Lose” situation. Except for the state of PA, who are winning. At my expense.
The bottom line is that this system does not support real competition or competitive pricing – it amounts to a token gesture to appear to be opening the borders of the state to direct shipping (in this case, “direct” means shipped to a PLCB store, where you then have to go to retrieve it). In reality, all this system does is bolster the existing state monopoly on wine sales and distribution.
And finally, consider also that many high quality wine producers are shunning the State of PA because of state regulations that require them to add PA labels and bar coding to their wines. Why? Well, according to sources quoted by the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette, PA wine labels actually reduce the value of high-end wines because of the state’s reputation for poor wine storage, bad customer service, and overall expense of doing business.
In the words of Public Enemy, we’ve got to Fight the Power!
Just in time for the not-so-Super-Superbowl (or any party occasion during these last few brink winter weeks), Jason Whiteside, my partner in crime over at 2WineDudes, has written a great article about soul-warming big red wines that are perfect for staving off the nasty chill of Winter, for the current issue of Philly’s Main Line Magazine.
[ Just a bit about Jason, so you know why you should trust him when you read his stuff: Jason is a fellow CSW, was previously a Sommelier & Wine Consultant on the Dutch/French Island of St. Martin, and is part of the Wine Educator staff at ChaddsFord Winery. Like the Dude, Jason also holds the Level 3 Advanced Certificate in Wine & Spirits from the Wine & Spirit Education Trust. He’s got bad-ass wine smarties. ]
Jason shares both bargain and splurge wine recommendations for each of the Big Red varietals that he features in the article, so you can put your newfound red knowledge to good use immediately (or at least before the weather warms up).
You can check out the article on-line here (go to page 108).